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Is My Marriage Over?

Q. I have been married for 33 years. Out of the blue, my husband told me he was having an affair for 4 months and that he was leaving. I know both of us contributed to the problems we were having. I know I love him beyond belief. I have done everything I can think about to win him back. He says he knows our relationship would work, but right now he is with someone else. I am scared that I may have lost him for good. Can I win him back? Please help me I do not know what to do.

A. The first thing to do is keep your cool and act as unfazed by this as you can. Appear to be inwardly peaceful that, if this is the end, well, then this is the end. Act stoic.

This is important at this moment because one of the reason people leave a relationship is that they have a perception that the other person is too dependent on them and not worthy of their highest respect. You want to begin to turn that perception around as soon as possible, and your first opportunity is by the reaction they observe when they give you the message that they're leaving you.

Second, trust me on this, have an inward assurance that as long as you don't overreact too much and go crazy, he's going to at least keep in contact with you and give you further opportunities to make him start missing you more and more.

Third, instead of spending the time apart from him pining, spend it plotting. Plot your strategy (using the Love Tactics System, of course) and start making changes in your past practices that you now realize were damaging to the relationship.

Fourth, each contact you have try to implement one or two of the Love Tactics, and avoid doing anything further damaging to the relationship between the two of you. Don't press for him to come back, and certainly don't TALK about the personal changes you are making. That backfires, if you try to convince him with words.

Simply show by your actions that you are a new person, and one day you will notice him coming back with a new enthusiasm about courting you all over again. Only this time don't repeat the mistakes of your former life.

Best wishes,

Tom McKnight

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